you ever get in those moods where a family member just opens their mouth and youre like
I’m sorry I can’t come to the phone right now. I’m busy cutting open Fruit Gushers and squeezing all of the goo into a glass so I can take a shot of it because that has always been a dream of mine and now that I’m an adult with a job, I finally have the means to make it a reality. Please leave your name and number after the beep.
Swear to god, some guys are terrified that girls are faking common interests to impress them and act really hostile towards anyone they even SUSPECT of doing such a thing
but then they turn around and fake a whole friendship in the hopes of getting sex out of girls, and get mad at them when it doesn’t work
and they super do not see the irony in that
dont EVER call ur date honey in front of bees, they do NOT understand the concept of nicknames and will viciously attack your girlfriend in hope of getting back what was taken from them
*me looking at pics of ur new girl* she’s not even hot. ur not even that hot. what was i doing. why am i so cute and bitter